Sorry

I gave you the power to break my heart for so long I forgot it was my choice

I forgot I could walk away

I forgot I could say no 

You made me apologize for your mistakes 

Now the only thing I'm sorry for is cowering in the fear of losing you

When losing you was the best thing for me

So if you ever get bored with your four other girlfriends

And miss me

And realize how much I loved you

When you pick up the phone to call me

Just know you'll be greeted by my voicemail

Because I'm finally ok 

I realized I don't need you to survive 

I'm picking up the pieces you shattered and putting them back together in a whole new way

You no longer fit 

I'm no longer sorry 

Plans

We had plans.

We would go off, do our own thing.

You'd go to college, I'd go to college.

Maybe we'd even date other people.

But we had plans.

We'd meet up in five years and pick up right where we left off.

We'd pick an apartment and fill it with us. 

Laughs and platinum beers.

We had plans. 

We'd adopt a dog, 

A yellow lab or maybe a golden retriever.

We'd argue over the perfect name for her.

We'd let her into our bed with us.

We had plans.

We'd fight about things like money and the guy who bought me a drink after work.

We'd love.

We'd love so much people would envy us.

Kissing goodbye at my car for work in the morning as if we were still teenagers.

We had plans.

You'd get down on one knee and ask me the question id been waiting to hear since fifteen.

I'd wear a white dress and you would say I do and mean it.

We had plans.

Three.

Three kids.

And a big shoe closet for me.

A house with a yard 

And a bed for our love

Which then would be tired but still strong.

It would've still been strong.

We had plans.

But you stood me up.

You left me waiting for you on the corner until I started questioning if we had ever made plans.

You just had a schedule conflict.

Fear.

But me and you,

We had plans. 

Realized Secrets

Name after name 

Each one hits my heart like a gunshot

And you're holding the gun

In the same hand that held mine so tight when I needed you most 

The same fingers that brushed my hair out of my eyes so gently

Are pulling the trigger repeatedly

Cassie

Mary Jane 

Anna 

They slam into my heart 

Bullseye 

I can feel the shattered pieces tear my soul 

You ask me to apologize

For bleeding out 

When you're the one who killed me

You lay in the gun in my hand 

Before walking away

Leaving the blame with me